Techies on-board
Two kinds of desis I have started to identify and hate these days:
1. The software folk and their parents who think they have conquered America (yes, I know this is not a new hate thing with me)
2. desi chicks who pose all the time with another chick (well, usually the other one is uglier) like they are about to kiss
Why do so many of them fly Air India?
This story of personal suffering will induce some strong reactions, so please share this with as many people as you want.
It all started on a long distance flight on Air India.
Well, there was actually another flight which came before, and it was also Air India, and that sucked big time because it was 3 hours late taking off, and the boarding procedure... lets say was best described as a cross between the hawking of private buses from Chennai to Bangalore and, for the lack of one more witty analogy, the hawking of private buses from Bangalore to Chennai. Everyone was pissed, but they all cursed the whole airline industry in general, and how it all got screwed up due to terrorists. I thought the same, giving AI the benefit of doubt.
But no.
Since I also made the mistake of flying AI back, I was in a unique position to see that it was not merely the whole airline business that needed to be blamed, but Air India was at the top of the worst airlines to fly. I was also in a unique position of feeling extremely stupid for flying AI both ways.
It started with the 3 hour delay. I was told that the flight which was to take off at 1:30 would board at 12:30 and at 12:00, the gate was not assigned. OK, I take a deep breath, and curse the airport for having so much traffic. But when you sit and sit and sit and watch the monitors show Planes that were to depart at 1:00 take off, and your flight still hasn't been assigned a gate, things began to look a little weird.
2:00 - Finally, the gate is assigned, and you RUN towards the gate with all the others who were waiting for it. You realise that there are way too many people for one plane running with you... but it's OK. At that point I don't care.
2:30 - You (finally!) start boarding. Not one person tells you what the delay has been for... You are still happy to get on-board. Also, the flight happens to be a huge Boeing, double-decker. That explained those many people! But alas, this fact wouldn't bring any peace.
3:00 - Flight still hasn't moved an inch. Way too many seats are empty. Why?
3:01 - Holy crap! All the Air hostesses are above 40 years of age. And there are stewards too... northies x(
3:01:15 - Do I call that one auntyji?
3:02 - "Anuty, can I get some juice while we wait?" "No drinks till we take off"... Hmmm... aunty was the right term - reminds me of an evil aunt... Ahh! Air India - Making you feel right at home... the place you thought you left for good while getting-on on one of these flights...
4:15 - Oh! did we move? hmmm... I am dying of dehydration because you aren't allowed water on flights these days. *&%$##)(*) !
4:30 - A LOT, of those empty seats start filling up. But you notice way too many of them are speaking in telugu and tamil... uh oh!
4:32 - A couple says excuse me to some hippie looking white dude who is about to sit, but since he doesn't respond the next second, they plough through together... and with their overweight (how did they board with such huge-ass bags?!) bags.
4:33 - A very, lets just say "rustic", couple come up to my aisle, and look for space to keep their (yet again, overweight) bags on the top compartment. On finding that there is no space because of all the other desis' bags, they decide to just take my bag out to my horror, and try to shove it in after they keep their luggage. Then they find out it doesn't fit. So, just like those people on a private bus in India, they say "Can you sit with your bag on your lap? we are coming from Bombay"
Never had I felt a greater urge to yell "Are you fucking stupid?!" to their faces, than on that flight, dehydrated, pissed off, and at the end of a beautiful vacation. But I only said "You can store your bags in the leg space, that's what you are supposed to do". But on continuing arguments which they tried to convince me that they were from bombay (apparently, I don't appear indian, so they try in Angrezi, hindi and whatever else they could think of)... So I give up and find the only other compartment space for my bag and control my rage.
4:45 - The flight looks full. I am told that the delay was because another AI flight was delayed, which was used by many as a connecting flight to this one, and these people waited till every last one of those people checked in.
5:00 - Take off. And water leaking from the roof of the airplane. See... THAT is original! Only happens on Air India.
And you'd think the drama was over... muahahaha! It had only begun.
The whole flight was nothing short of a flee market. Wives cursing their husbands for not stowing away the luggage properly, husbands talking to their parents about their techie jobs in a smug way (uh!) and those parents telling me that their son is in software and why I don't do software.
Their children crying in-sync when the flight takes off, overly concerned mothers trying to pacify these infants by walking up and down the aisle waking up as many people as possible in the ear-shot, old people blocking usage of the aisles and toilets for everyone else, my headset not working to kill all this noise out...
NEVER FLY AIR INDIA. PLEASE.
1. The software folk and their parents who think they have conquered America (yes, I know this is not a new hate thing with me)
2. desi chicks who pose all the time with another chick (well, usually the other one is uglier) like they are about to kiss
Why do so many of them fly Air India?
This story of personal suffering will induce some strong reactions, so please share this with as many people as you want.
It all started on a long distance flight on Air India.
Well, there was actually another flight which came before, and it was also Air India, and that sucked big time because it was 3 hours late taking off, and the boarding procedure... lets say was best described as a cross between the hawking of private buses from Chennai to Bangalore and, for the lack of one more witty analogy, the hawking of private buses from Bangalore to Chennai. Everyone was pissed, but they all cursed the whole airline industry in general, and how it all got screwed up due to terrorists. I thought the same, giving AI the benefit of doubt.
But no.
Since I also made the mistake of flying AI back, I was in a unique position to see that it was not merely the whole airline business that needed to be blamed, but Air India was at the top of the worst airlines to fly. I was also in a unique position of feeling extremely stupid for flying AI both ways.
It started with the 3 hour delay. I was told that the flight which was to take off at 1:30 would board at 12:30 and at 12:00, the gate was not assigned. OK, I take a deep breath, and curse the airport for having so much traffic. But when you sit and sit and sit and watch the monitors show Planes that were to depart at 1:00 take off, and your flight still hasn't been assigned a gate, things began to look a little weird.
2:00 - Finally, the gate is assigned, and you RUN towards the gate with all the others who were waiting for it. You realise that there are way too many people for one plane running with you... but it's OK. At that point I don't care.
2:30 - You (finally!) start boarding. Not one person tells you what the delay has been for... You are still happy to get on-board. Also, the flight happens to be a huge Boeing, double-decker. That explained those many people! But alas, this fact wouldn't bring any peace.
3:00 - Flight still hasn't moved an inch. Way too many seats are empty. Why?
3:01 - Holy crap! All the Air hostesses are above 40 years of age. And there are stewards too... northies x(
3:01:15 - Do I call that one auntyji?
3:02 - "Anuty, can I get some juice while we wait?" "No drinks till we take off"... Hmmm... aunty was the right term - reminds me of an evil aunt... Ahh! Air India - Making you feel right at home... the place you thought you left for good while getting-on on one of these flights...
4:15 - Oh! did we move? hmmm... I am dying of dehydration because you aren't allowed water on flights these days. *&%$##)(*) !
4:30 - A LOT, of those empty seats start filling up. But you notice way too many of them are speaking in telugu and tamil... uh oh!
4:32 - A couple says excuse me to some hippie looking white dude who is about to sit, but since he doesn't respond the next second, they plough through together... and with their overweight (how did they board with such huge-ass bags?!) bags.
4:33 - A very, lets just say "rustic", couple come up to my aisle, and look for space to keep their (yet again, overweight) bags on the top compartment. On finding that there is no space because of all the other desis' bags, they decide to just take my bag out to my horror, and try to shove it in after they keep their luggage. Then they find out it doesn't fit. So, just like those people on a private bus in India, they say "Can you sit with your bag on your lap? we are coming from Bombay"
Never had I felt a greater urge to yell "Are you fucking stupid?!" to their faces, than on that flight, dehydrated, pissed off, and at the end of a beautiful vacation. But I only said "You can store your bags in the leg space, that's what you are supposed to do". But on continuing arguments which they tried to convince me that they were from bombay (apparently, I don't appear indian, so they try in Angrezi, hindi and whatever else they could think of)... So I give up and find the only other compartment space for my bag and control my rage.
4:45 - The flight looks full. I am told that the delay was because another AI flight was delayed, which was used by many as a connecting flight to this one, and these people waited till every last one of those people checked in.
5:00 - Take off. And water leaking from the roof of the airplane. See... THAT is original! Only happens on Air India.
And you'd think the drama was over... muahahaha! It had only begun.
The whole flight was nothing short of a flee market. Wives cursing their husbands for not stowing away the luggage properly, husbands talking to their parents about their techie jobs in a smug way (uh!) and those parents telling me that their son is in software and why I don't do software.
Their children crying in-sync when the flight takes off, overly concerned mothers trying to pacify these infants by walking up and down the aisle waking up as many people as possible in the ear-shot, old people blocking usage of the aisles and toilets for everyone else, my headset not working to kill all this noise out...
NEVER FLY AIR INDIA. PLEASE.
posted by Aradhya at 1:12 AM
2 Comments:
All the instances you mention which arise from traveling with Indians is common to all airlines.
http://s-kar.blogspot.com/2009/07/air-turbulence-part-ii-of-my-journey.html
Great read!
And we will actually behave when we are outnumbered on flights with non-Indians.
This behaviour is reserved especially for our kin.
(BTW, typo on fle'a' market)
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